Still behind...

Yeah, story of my life. ANYWAY, this is different.

I'll just go ahead and leave an extract here, let you guys mull on what's going on, what's going to happen and such. I will say this, the next 600 ish words happens over a space of about 30 seconds:

His gun swung up the stairs and she moved to the door. It was locked. “Locked,” she whispered. McCallister nodded and Charlie joined him at the bottom of the stairs. “I’ll lead?”

            “No problem,” he said.

            “You can always go first.”

            A single laugh filled the room and Charlie set her foot on the bottom step as McCallister said, “I’ll let you get shot first.”

            “Thanks Lieutenant.”

            “You’re welcome Captain.”

            She shook her head and continued up the stairs. A lot passed within the next few short seconds. The first thing that registered in her mind was the sound of something tumbling along the floor. By the time she’d looked down the stun grenade had already gone off. Her eyes burnt and her ears were ringing. She couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t see past the bright lights that danced in her vision and fell to her knees from the shock. Before she felt the effects begin to wear off she felt a foot connect with her stomach. The air was forced from her lungs and she fell flat to the floor. She managed to avoid smashing the goggles into the floor and her face, but she couldn’t stop the foot that slammed itself down on the side of her face.

            Black spots danced through the fading white dots and she could hear somebody kick somebody else somewhere behind her. Somewhere in her dazed mind she could hear a tiny voice shouting, “Captain? Captain!”

            There was another flash and bang and Charlie winced, pinched her eyes shut and groaned. She tried to open her mouth, tried to tell Hunter to back up, to be careful, but her voice was having trouble. Gun shots rang out, their echoes painful stabs to the back of her head and Charlie squeezed her eyes shut.

            She stretched a hand out, trying to find her misplaced weapon. Her hand patted nothing but cool metal and she deviated her hand towards her thigh holster. As her fingers brushed the warm metal of the handle, she felt somebody hover close above her. The goggles were ripped away and in the pervading dark she couldn’t see much except for a pair of bright whites staring down at her.

            There was another flash and another echoed bang that rattled inside of her skull. The eyes were still above her and she focused on them as she slipped her hand further down the grip of her gun.

            Then the eyes turned and she caught the faint outline of a person looking down at her leg. Charlie pulled on her handgun, managed to gather it in her hand and swing her arm towards the person before a hand slapped hers down and pinned it to the floor. Charlie went with it, rolling her body into the person and collapsing above them in a heap. An elbow was driven into her face and connected with her chin. Her teeth chattered against each other and her head throbbed that little bit more.

            Somebody shoved her body back and her dazed mind couldn’t catch up with the action. Her head fell against the floor with another knock and the black spots grew larger in her vision. She tried to pull herself back up, but there was a foot on her chest and some mumbled voices.

            She found her own voice again and managed to get out a, “Hunter?” before a foot slammed itself into the side of her head again. This time, the darkness took over her vision and she gave in to the pain, letting herself sink into unconscious bliss.

7000 words done, a lot more to go

So yeah, things are changing. Garrison for starters now has a bigger role in the story, which is what I needed otherwise it would'v been the axe for him. There are ideas churning aroud in my head for him that I didn't have before....

Anyway, as I said in the title, I am at 7,000 words. My aim today is to get to at least 10,000. But hopefully a couple thousand more. But 10k is my minimum for today. In the meantime, I promised you an extract right? Well, here you go, 179 words of msytery and implications (hopefully):

Zach slumped in his seat, sleep begging for him to succumb to it. But there was a crew meeting after breakfast and his stomach begged for the warm food in front of him. In front of him Torres was battling the same fatigue and the smaller man held his head in one hand. Zach moved his foot underneath the table and nudged Torres’ leg. He shifted his eyes to him with blurred concentration. “Chin up sparky.”

            Torres frowned and straightened his back. He said, “I just want to get in bed.”

            “Join the club.”

            Eliot took a seat next to Torres and said, “Soon you can sleep for however long you wish.”

            Torres snorted, “I wouldn’t count on it.”

            Eliot frowned and Zach ducked his eyes. Their discovery last night would have to be reported which meant that they would have to investigate simply because they were the ones who found it. “Rules and regulations,” Zach said.

            Eliot sighed and Zach lifted his eyes to see the man’s shoulders slump, “I hate the rules.”

            “Don’t we all,” Torres said. 

Happy Writing!

It's July!

Which means............ CAMP NANOWRIMO.

Yes. I am taking part.
Yes. I do plan to finish it this time (April was a busy ALL OF THE ESSAYS DUE time)
Yes. Expect more extracts.
Yes. It is Redux. I know I've kept saying that I'll finish the second draft (I should be a paid procrastinator) but I WILL complete it this month.
Yes. The crew still act like children. They will never grow up.

For now, have an edited 600 word extract from the first chapter:

A blue light flashed in urgency and she jumped down onto the lower deck with another sigh. Underneath the blue light was a button and she pressed it, listening to the speakers on the bridge channel nothing but static for several seconds. She sighed and dropped her eyes to the floor. That made it the seventh glitch in three days.

            Then there was another sound. Her head snapped up and she listened closely, “…ch…el… z…as” More static filled the small space of the bridge.

            “Eerie.”

            She snapped her head up to see Warrant Officer Class 1 Zachary Chamberlin, his blonde hair mused more than usual. Tired green eyes stared down at her and she caught the dredged look in his appearance. She shook her head. Some days she wondered how he’d managed to get this far into the military with his lack of care for his appearance. “I thought I ordered you to bed.”

            Zach pressed himself against the railing that ran the length of the room, overlooking the lower level. One of his boots was settled against one of the lower rails whilst one of his arms propped him up. His other hand held firmly only to the cup of steaming coffee in his hand. “No offense Captain but I’d feel better if it were me on the bridge.” He shrugged one lazy shoulder and straightened himself up with a hand over his face, “Besides, I convinced Soko to stay in bed.”

            “What a gentleman,” another voice interrupted. A taller and dark skinned man entered the room, making the already cramped space even smaller. Charlie lifted one brow at the plastic glass in his hands. Sergeant Wes Eliot let out a chuckle and tilted the glass in her direction with a grin, “In celebration.”

            Zach snorted. Charlie watched Zach climb down one handed to her level without spilling a drop of coffee. “It’s about time we were going home.”

            “Ain’t that the truth,” Eliot said.

            “You know,” Charlie said, the corner of her mouth caught in the start of a smile, “one of these days you guys’ll listen to my orders and actually follow them.”

            Zach dropped himself into the pilots seat, his cup propped dangerously close to a few live circuits and open wires, his hands darting across the controls with expert ease. “Yeah, and on that day we’ll be dying with pigs flying telling us that they told us so.”

            Eliot snorted above her and Charlie shook her head. She folded her arms and pressed them against the head of the co-pilot’s seat. “Do I need to call Torres?”

            “Is it not just another glitch?”

            She looked up at the Kenyan man and shrugged her shoulders, “And that’s exactly why I’m wondering whether or not to let the man sleep. Which is something both of you should be doing.”

            “Yeah, yeah,” Zach said before he grabbed his cup and kicked his feet up and onto the control panel. “My opinion, get him out of bed. If I’m up he can be up.”

            Charlie arched a brow at that. “What’d he do?”

            Zach gave her a sidelong look before he shook his head. “He changed the temperature controls in the shower. Instead of hot, I got cold. Freezing cold.”

            “And you did what exactly?”

            “Nothing.”

            “Zach,” she said, her voice tired. She wondered sometimes how any of her crew managed to stay within the military so long.

            Zach gave her another look before he grumbled something. When she asked him to repeat himself he said, “I may or may not have covered his pants in itching powder.”

Little bit of creepin

I've just started chapter 10, at 22,638 words, and chapter 9 leaves me feeling creeped out. Just a little. And it most certainly creeps my characters out too.

Without context, the last two lines of chapter 9 are this:

Captain O’Donnell, welcome to Vanguard.

Enjoy the show. 

Now, IN context, they've just entered Vanguard to get back their kidnapped crew members. They came to two locked doors. One of them opened up to a series of stairs that led to a large room. They get locked in this room and it's obvious that somebody wanted them in that room at that time. One side is just a window that overlooks a large room, and I'm talking MASSIVE, with lots of smaller rooms inside it. Each room is just four walls, no ceilings. It is assumed that people are pacing in these rooms and the entire room is dark.

Anyway, the other wall is a series of TV screens and the middle one lights up with the above message. Still a little creepy right? Well, it's what I'm going for.

Happy Writing.

Excerpt

As promised, I said there would be an excerpt at some point. Well, here's a little something. Enjoy:

When they reached thirty yards Charlie felt somebody close in on her left and she turned her head to see the faint outline of Rhodes. The Doctor made a point of taking out her ear bud and Charlie did the same. Rhodes’ voice was low when she said, “Trouble?”

        She fixed her gaze on Eliot’s form in front of them, following him around the edge of the room and towards a large ship. Aries was bigger than Redux and newer too. It looked more appealing than hers with smoother edges and a cleaner feel to it. But Charlie would take her old girl over the newer models any day of the week.

        “Maybe. I’m not sure.” She lowered her rifle and let the strap hold the gun to her chest as she let go. She pulled her handgun free and pressed the button that released the magazine. Charlie could feel Rhodes staring at her, but chose to ignore it as she pushed the newly released clip into a pocket on her vest and replaced it with a magazine that had a red dot. “Just to be safe,” she said back as she pushed her gun back into its slot and reclaimed her rifle.

        “You’re not filling me with confidence.”

        “You’ll be fine.”

        “That’s not what I mean.”

        Charlie glanced over to see a determined expression set into the woman’s features. Rhodes didn’t look at her and the Captain turned her attention back to the looming doorway that was open. “Whatever this is, we’ll get through it.” She took a quick step forward and laid a hand on Eliot’s shoulder. The man stopped and Charlie approached the door first. She swung her rifle into the doorway and eyed the sights on her gun. 

Happy Writing. 

New Summary

So, I'm almost at the 10,000 word mark - which will make me up to date. In the mean time, as I said a few things have changed and I think I have a new working summary.

The crew of Redux had one day left of duty before they went on a three month leave. But when Command calls them up, telling them to take part in a new training exercise in exchange for two extra weeks of leave, the crew are hesitant to take up the offer.

But orders are orders.

And Captain Charlotte "Charlie" O'Donnell has a bad feeling about this training exercise.

Interesting enough? Not interesting enough?  Needs more? Needs less?

Let me know.

Happy Writing.

So far

Okay, so I pretty much just hit 6000 words (only 2.3k behind now - oops) ANYWAY there are some distinct differences between this second draft and the first draft.

Firstly, although they may be a military ship, they don't act like they're in the military. A lot of the time they act like teenagers. But they're all fun to write and they make me smile. They're so informal to one another. But - that's what I was kind of aiming for. I may tweak their attitudes so that  they're a little more professional but Charlie is an unconventional Captain so, it's interesting.

Secondly, it isn't an emergency beacon they must investigate, but a mysterious new 'combat system' (I'll figure out the wording at some point) that they're being ordered to test in a training exercise. Yet they only had one more day left of duty before they're leave... which makes everybody a little curious and angry.

Thirdly, Charlie is lax on the proper command structure on the ship. Or at least the level of professionalism everybody has to adhere to. Making her fun to write because hey, not what you were quite expecting.

Erm.

Fourth-ly? I don't have a fourth-ly point yet. But it's still early days.

I'll post an extract later on today - or tomorrow - depending upon what I get written down. I hope you're all having fun with your writings, NaNo or no NaNo.

Happy Writing.

I think I did it.

Finally, after sitting and staring, thinking, re-starting, muttering, cursing, sighing, wincing, pulling faces and internally crying, I think I managed a new start to Redux. Aries. 

As I said, I wanted to get a new start going before March ended and it's only the 16th. So I have succeeded. I also said that I would show you the new start, so, here ya' go. The fourth/fifth attempt at starting Redux: 

Charlie focused her blue eyes on the vastness of empty space before her and tried not to think about the lack of coffee in her cup. Despite the fact that it was nearing one in the morning and she’d be warned by Rhodes, their on board head Doctor, not to drink caffeine at such irregular intervals. But Charlie loved the dark substance too much.

            And they would be back on solid ground in less than three days anyway. A smile curled her lips as she sunk further into the pilot’s seat. Her feet were crossed at the ankles and propped on the control panel, a bad habit she’d picked up from Zach, her pilot, and let her close for a brief moment. She let the light hum of the ships engines lull through her, settle deep and low in the depths of her bones and provide a comfort to her. It wasn’t anything noticeable, but once you’d been flying in space, deep space for years, a person started to feel it.

            She opened her eyes again and looked at the screens in front of her. The entire wall before her was a slight with four large screens that showed the view to each side of her ship Redux. Once they were back in flight the views would change to the front of the ship across all four screens. The stars winked at her. They spoke of untold secrets waiting to be discovered. But the stark contrast of the pervading black turned her stomach with an uneasy jump. The black went on forever.

            Those thoughts were shook from her head and replaced with the idea of fresh oxygen, rather than the recycled air the crew were forced to breathe so far away from Earth. Fresh food rather than the re-heated food packages. And Arreton lake. It had double in size over the years and Charlie loved to spend her time off in the quiet areas of Hale Common. The small area had withstood time and despite the fact that it was quiet and almost deserted at the best of times, it was one of the few places she could keep to herself.

            The cup that sat in her hands, cradled against her chest to trap some of the warmth inside, was brought to her lips. She pushed a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear and eyed the little clock in the corner of the bottom right screen. Twelve fifty three. Usually one of her pilots would be on duty, but both had been pulling awkward shifts that she hadn’t authorised. The first few days back on Earth were always spent with them sorting out their sleeping and Charlie would often shoo them to their rooms. Her sleep cycle could be sacrificed. Theirs couldn’t. 

            She sipped at the last dregs of warm coffee and pulled the still warm cup to her chest with pursed lips. 

Happy Writing. 

100!

This is post #100 and to make it feel a little more special I'm gonna put up here a scene I've just added. It'll sit right at the start of the story, and I want to ask you a question. Do you, as the reader, want to see if he makes a connection? Or should I clear it up later? I know for a fact it will be referenced later on but I'm wondering if adding an extra scene to show who McCallister is calling is warrented.

Enjoy:

McCallister walked the length of the ship. Everybody else was in bed and asleep, or at least he hoped they were. He’d been having trouble getting there and his body was too wired. Excitement about being home circled his body with joy. Redux had had to pull a double shift straight after a triple delivery job to some of the stations out here. Sixteen weeks of pirate duty had followed ten weeks of deliveries. A little over six months, with a few days off here and there, had been grating on him. He needed to be home.

            He’d already walked from his quarters to the end of the ship when he got an urge to call home. With a sigh he moved to the Captain’s quarters and knocked. Whenever that urge arose the Captain had always let him use her quarters and transmission signal to call home. He was a private person and he frowned on the day the crew found out. No answer greeted him and he knocked again. With a frown in place he pushed open the door an inch and stopped. She was already up, somewhere on the ship.

            He closed the door and turned, forcing his combat boots to lightly tread over the metal flooring. There was one place in mind and he moved down the corridors and down a flight of stairs until the gym came into view. The sound of jingling metal, the sign of weights being lifted, caught his ear and he pushed the door open.

            On one weight bench, the furthest from the door, sat the Captain with a hefty amount added to the silver pole. Silently he crossed the room and stood at the head of the bench. Her eyes met his and she pushed on the metal bar, pushing that and the weights up into the air with straight arms. “Yes Lieutenant?”

            “You need a spotter.”

            “I’m fine.”

            She brought the bar back down to her chest and pushed. “As your Second in Command I feel I should remind you that you tell us to train in pairs.”

            “And you should know that as the Captain I break my own rules.”

            A smile lifted the corners of his mouth. The Captain pushed the bar straight back up. Mentally he checked how much weight she was benching, 80 kg, and nodded. “Zach and Soko still on the bridge?”

            “Soko is. I’ve ordered Zach to get some sleep. We’ll be home in two days and he needs to fix his sleeping before then.” He nodded. Zach had a bad habit of breaking the basic rules of life. More often than not he became a night owl. Nothing but the sound of metal pushing against metal filled the room for several minutes. “Add five for me?”

            He nodded and grabbed two 2.5kg weights, adding one to each side. He watched in silence as she pulled the bar down and struggled to lift it back up. If anybody else was pulling the same stunt he knew the Captain would have them, he would too. But this was a normal occurrence aboard Redux. “I was wondering if I could call home,” he said.

            She pushed the bar up and nodded. “Go ahead.” He nodded and continued to stand there, hands by his side in case he needed to move and fast. She didn’t move. Just lifted her eyes up to him. “What are you waiting for?”

            “I want to make sure you’re not going to crush yourself Captain.”

            She laughed and the weights wobbled in her grasp. His hand came up but she shook her head and put the bar back where it belonged with a relieved sigh. “I’m done for the night.”

            He nodded and took a step back, waiting. The Captain pulled herself up and threw a towel over her shoulder. After a few moments of silence she sighed and rolled her eyes. “It’s almost one in the morning. Go make your call before it gets to be too late.”

            “Yes Ma’am. Just don’t let me find you back here.”

            “I’ll take a walk. Relax my muscles.”

            He let a smile loose and moved off back through the ship until he came to the Captain’s quarters and pushed on the door. It was closed again and he turned the screen on. It took a few seconds to load but he tapped on the ‘call’ button, dialled up the number from mind and waited.